ESBS 2

I am so tired today. I feel as though I could sleep for weeks. Perhaps it's a result of a recurrence of laryngopharyngeal reflux disease, itself due to running out of lansoprazole, and in turn due to my doctors' surgery being closed all yesterday, which is finally in turn due to a strange peculiarity of Scottish society, namely, that there exist special public holidays that are limited to one city or town, and that are difficult to predict if you're not a local and your daily work takes you across several boundaries. [pause for breath]

• My head feels as though it is stuffed full of wet papier-mâché. The superfine awareness of ES is there - somewhere - but I can hardly feel it. The blunt tool of BS is also accessible. And my body registers the effects of these two consciousnesses. But my mind can scarcely acknowledge anything.

  It seems an important point to note about the physical body and how it reacts so strongly to what we're tuned into, often more so than the conscious mind. Even if I feel "I don't want to meditate, too tired to do prostrations..." (substitute whatever practice you get up to), I am still going to reap at least one benefit.

  Reminds me, in a way, of water divining, or more generally dowsing. Mental attunement using faith as a switch simply works. The body responds. The tools - the rods etc. - are mere mechanical amplifiers. How does it work? Don't know. Doesn't matter. It just does. It's harmless and useful. You keep the enabling attitude and the response bypasses your consciousness straight into the physical effect.

• Don't expect too much else of me today. I now have the lansoprazole, but I still feel like the picture at the top.