Half-birthday

No it's not my half-birthday today. That would have been five months ago. Ish. But I remember my half-birthday from last year, 17 months ago, distinctly.

What's a half-birthday? It's the date exactly 6 months from your birthday. I encouraged them in my family, partly because two of my daughters had birthdays exactly 6 months apart. Half-birthday presents are fun. They are about sharing. For example, give someone half a box of chocolates and eat the other half yourself! You get the picture... :)

So what happened 17 months ago? It was a particularly difficult time for me with great upheavals in personal circumstances looming. But I was given the blessing of a new relationship with someone who was to become my partner in every way, including spiritually. And right at that time, when life-changing decisions were being taken, I found it was my half-birthday. And it set me thinking.

I remember having dinner with one of my daughters that night. I described to her whom I had met and how amazing it was. And I mentioned it was my half-birthday today but that this one was special. I told her that some years ago I had had a vision of my own death. In that vision I was 91 years old. Today I was 54½ years old and I had realised that that was exactly halfway between 18 and 91 years old. In Britain, the 18th birthday marks the start of recognised adulthood, so today I was exactly halfway through my adult life. Far from being 'over the hill', I told her, it was all in front of me.

Now zooming out to see this life of one of many, I see the opportunity I have day by day to make a difference, to my future and to the future of others. Not too old, never too old, to make the most of every day on the road to Buddhahood, to become a Buddha for the benefit of all. All part of the continuum. The vision of 91 years could have been wrong and today could be the last - for now - but [shrugs] so what? Today could be the day!

In Living Meaningfully, Dying Joyfully, my teacher - Geshe Kelsang Gyatso - says:

"The Kadampa Teachers say that there is no use in being afraid when we are on our deathbed and about to die; the time to fear death is while we are young. Most people do the reverse. While they are young they think ‘I shall not die’, and they live recklessly without concern for death; but when death comes they are terrified.

If we develop fear of death right now, we shall use our life meaningfully by engaging in virtuous actions and avoiding non-virtuous actions, thus creating the cause to take a fortunate rebirth. When death actually comes we shall feel like a child returning to the home of its parents, and pass away joyfully, without fear."

Why did I write all this? Because I read about Bunan Unsui's practice in his blog "A Year to Live" and was inspired. I applaud him in his endeavour and I shall follow it with interest. May it benefit all sentient beings.

Reality check

Sometimes I look at my own progress and think I'm not making much headway. This can be in Play as Being, or it can be in one of several Buddhist disciplines that I am engaged in. Or I can be taking a long hard look at myself, seeing my weaknesses, and seeing how much I sometimes lack the determination to address those weaknesses.

There's a trap here that's easy to fall into in a society that is becoming increasingly obsessed with monitoring and evaluation. That trap involves relying on other people's judgements, both of how we're doing and - much more important - of what we should be working on anyway. Even if I had ever wanted to be like them - and believe me I don't - their judgemental attitude is corrosive; it can wear you down and seep through your skin.

Sometimes it helps to see the petty priorities of others, not as a threat, nor as an excuse for one-upmanship, but as a indicator that - actually - I AM making progress. It's a reality check. Their anger and stress is not for me, no matter how much I might think I want their money! I can opt out of the priorities they want to judge me by.

It bears reminding myself of a quote by motivational speaker Susan Fowler Woodring. The first time I read this I was deeply shocked; its truth pierced me deeply. "People without goals will be used by people with goals." That also means that without a clear view of ourselves we will be manipulated by others who want to impose their distorted views of us, on us.

And perhaps I should also start believing more of what dear friends and loved ones have been saying to me for years! They don't have to encourage me as they do, yet they still do. That can be a very pleasant reality check!

Short staffed

Shuzan held out his short staff...

Mumon said, "If you call this a short staff, you oppose its reality. If you do not call it a short staff, you ignore the fact. It cannot be expressed with words and it cannot be expressed without words. Now say quickly what it is."

Physical sensations

I sometimes take for granted the kinds of physical sensations that the 9 second Play as Being meditations bring. I've only mentioned the depth of relaxation and the sense of poise occasionally before.

Sometimes we filter out these simple things and instead we only express the profound - or at least we try too. Yet for those who exist in a physical envelope, these simple things can be important too.

So why not report the sense of energised tingling I'm feeling right now, as though I had just done a short run or other bout of intense but not exhausting exercise. Yes. I think I'll do that!

Play as Being 95

• If I am Being, then I am Being here, but also I am Being on the other side of town, simultaneously. And I become that Being, one, in those places together, at the same time ... and my head seems to explode.
• Today I destroyed a building I had built, a place of strong memories and poignant feelings, a place built in love, for love. I was sad and, by my own simple test, I was suffering a delusion. The love continues and the illusion fades. Yet how many people have done this where the love has also faded? "The fact of the matter is that this world is not our home. We are travellers, passing through. We came from our previous life, and in a few years, or a few days, we shall move on to our next life. We entered this world empty-handed and alone, and we shall leave empty-handed and alone. Everything we have accumulated in this life, including our very body, will be left behind. All that we can take with us from one life to the next are the imprints of the positive and negative actions we have created." ~ Living meaningfully, dying joyfully, (Introduction), Geshe Kelsang Gyatso.
  

Nice guy

It's not every day that a member of the British Royal Family walks into your office. Genuinely nice guy too. But while here, something made me open second sight. Oh! Surprise.

In Buddhism there are beings that we perceive with our physical (or spiritual) eyes that are sometimes very different than they seem. These can be emanations of another being, perhaps of a Buddha. Well...

I thought at first I had just seen an emanation. Or something like it. But no, actually I hadn't. Kuan Yin tells me this was more like one being controlling another. And I could see the being that was doing the controlling. And it wasn't a Buddha.

Oh boy. The problems of being a seer. But that's what you get for looking.

Play as Being 93

• (In that state of self-generation, playing as being Being...)
  I CONTROL.
• There is a member of the British Royal Family in the building as I write this, coinciding with a 9 second meditation. And the thought came spontaneously through - a rather Buddhist change to the oft quoted line from the Christian Bible: "To whom much is given, much is taken away."