Half-birthday

No it's not my half-birthday today. That would have been five months ago. Ish. But I remember my half-birthday from last year, 17 months ago, distinctly.

What's a half-birthday? It's the date exactly 6 months from your birthday. I encouraged them in my family, partly because two of my daughters had birthdays exactly 6 months apart. Half-birthday presents are fun. They are about sharing. For example, give someone half a box of chocolates and eat the other half yourself! You get the picture... :)

So what happened 17 months ago? It was a particularly difficult time for me with great upheavals in personal circumstances looming. But I was given the blessing of a new relationship with someone who was to become my partner in every way, including spiritually. And right at that time, when life-changing decisions were being taken, I found it was my half-birthday. And it set me thinking.

I remember having dinner with one of my daughters that night. I described to her whom I had met and how amazing it was. And I mentioned it was my half-birthday today but that this one was special. I told her that some years ago I had had a vision of my own death. In that vision I was 91 years old. Today I was 54½ years old and I had realised that that was exactly halfway between 18 and 91 years old. In Britain, the 18th birthday marks the start of recognised adulthood, so today I was exactly halfway through my adult life. Far from being 'over the hill', I told her, it was all in front of me.

Now zooming out to see this life of one of many, I see the opportunity I have day by day to make a difference, to my future and to the future of others. Not too old, never too old, to make the most of every day on the road to Buddhahood, to become a Buddha for the benefit of all. All part of the continuum. The vision of 91 years could have been wrong and today could be the last - for now - but [shrugs] so what? Today could be the day!

In Living Meaningfully, Dying Joyfully, my teacher - Geshe Kelsang Gyatso - says:

"The Kadampa Teachers say that there is no use in being afraid when we are on our deathbed and about to die; the time to fear death is while we are young. Most people do the reverse. While they are young they think ‘I shall not die’, and they live recklessly without concern for death; but when death comes they are terrified.

If we develop fear of death right now, we shall use our life meaningfully by engaging in virtuous actions and avoiding non-virtuous actions, thus creating the cause to take a fortunate rebirth. When death actually comes we shall feel like a child returning to the home of its parents, and pass away joyfully, without fear."

Why did I write all this? Because I read about Bunan Unsui's practice in his blog "A Year to Live" and was inspired. I applaud him in his endeavour and I shall follow it with interest. May it benefit all sentient beings.